What We’ve Learned About Listening (After Years of Not)

Still twins. Slightly better communicators.

Mello: 
Let’s be honest—just because we’ve known each other our entire lives doesn’t mean we’ve always known how to hear each other. 
Or anyone else, really. 

Marsh: 
Listening is a whole skill set. 
It’s not the “sit silently while you zone out” thing teachers talk about. 
It’s way messier. 
It took us a long time (and a few dramatic chore battles) to figure that out. 

1. Listening Isn’t Just for Arguments 

Mello: 
At first, we only really “listened” when something was going wrong. 
Like: 
“Why are you mad?” 
“I’m not mad!” 
“Then why are you stomping like a rhino in flip-flops?!” 

Marsh: 
(Real quote, by the way.) 

But the game changed when we started listening before stuff got tense. 
Like when Graham starts fidgeting during chore check-in? That’s his “I’m overwhelmed” signal. 
We wouldn’t have noticed that two years ago. 

2. Listening Helped Us Collaborate (Without Combusting) 🧪 

Mello: 
We used to build stuff together and instantly crash. 
He’d go into turbo mode, and I’d be like, “Can I breathe before you redesign the backyard irrigation system?” 

Marsh: 
Now we do a five-minute plan talk before we start. 
And we use Frankie’s IAFT project board to write it down. 
If we listen at the beginning, the chaos later gets cut in half. 
(It’s still chaos. Just… organized chaos.) 

3. Listening Isn’t Always Words 🎮  

Marsh: 
Sometimes Mello doesn’t talk much — but he drops a drawing that explains everything. 
Or HerShe sends a “😐” emoji and it means back off. 
We’re learning to hear people in the way they speak, not just how we do. 

Mello: 
Also, Frankie’s behavior log? Total cheat code. 
We started checking it when we got confused about how someone was actually doing. 
Graham had a “green” week but skipped journaling three days in a row = quiet flag. 
Listening to patterns is still listening. 

4. Listening Made Us Nicer 🧠  

Mello: 
You know what listening actually does? 
It slows you down. It keeps you from assuming the worst. 

Marsh: 
And it makes people want to talk to you again. 
Not just in “fix-this-problem” moments… but in the everyday “I had a weird dream” or “this song made me sad” kind of way. 

Final Thought ❤️ 

Marsh: 
We’re not perfect listeners. We interrupt. We forget to ask follow-ups. 
But now, we at least notice when we miss the moment. 

Mello: 
And that’s the first step. 
Not “getting it right” every time. 
Just getting better at tuning in. 

Try this: 
Ask someone a question and then actually pause. 
Count to three in your head before replying. 
You might hear something you usually miss.