Learning to Listen in Languages I Don’t Speak

There’s this idea that listening is simple — you hear someone speak, and you respond. Done. 

But lately, I’ve realized that real listening has less to do with ears and more to do with awareness. 

Because most of the time, the people around me are speaking languages I don’t actually know. 

No, I don’t mean Spanish or Korean or ASL (though I’ve heard all three in my dorm hallway this week alone). 

I mean languages like: 

• The quiet shrug of someone who doesn’t feel safe to speak up 
   

• A playlist someone shares instead of telling you how they’re feeling 
   

• The “I’m fine” that clearly means they’re not 
   

We don’t all express things the same way — and I’ve been guilty of assuming that if someone isn’t speaking my language (direct, verbal, fast), they’re not saying much at all. 

Spoiler: they are. 

This hit me hardest during a group project. 

One teammate barely said a word in the first two meetings. I assumed she didn’t care. Then I read her section of the paper and realized… she cared a lot. She was just working things out in her head before saying anything. 

Another teammate over-explained everything. At first, I thought she was trying to take control. Later, I realized she was just nervous — and over-preparing was her way of feeling safe. 

I had to pause and ask myself: 
Am I listening to what they are saying, or just to what I would be saying in their place? 

Big difference. 

Here’s what I’m learning: 

• Listening isn’t always about understanding everything. It’s about making space. 
   

• You don’t have to translate everything into your own terms. Sometimes it’s enough to be curious and quiet. 
   

• People will teach you their language if you stop trying to speak over it. 
   

I still miss stuff. 
Sometimes I move too fast. 
But when I slow down — when I really pay attention — people open up in ways I didn’t expect. 

Turns out, listening is a skill. Not something you’re born knowing how to do, especially when the language is unfamiliar. 

And honestly? 
It’s one of the most important things I’m learning in college — no textbook required.