How I Use Humor to Build Trust With My Kids

I used to think trust came from being the “strong” dad—the guy who always had the answers, fixed the stuff, knew what to say. But turns out, my kids trust me more when I let them see me be ridiculous.

Because when you laugh with someone, really laugh—you drop your guard. And when you drop your guard, you make space for something deeper: trust, safety, love. (And sometimes marshmallow in your hair. Worth it.)

1. I Make Fun of Myself First

Kids have sharp radars. They know when you’re faking confidence or pretending to be “above it.” So I lean into the dad fails, the dance moves from 2004, the fact that I once superglued my fingers together trying to fix a keychain. If I can laugh at myself, they learn it’s safe to mess up—and laugh too.

2. I Invent Silly Characters for Serious Topics

When it’s time to talk chores, screen time, or—gulp—friend drama, I sometimes bring in Sir Talks-a-Lot, a medieval knight who speaks only in rhymes. The kids groan. They roll their eyes. But they listen. Because the weirdness cuts the tension, and suddenly we’re solving real stuff through giggles.

3. I Use Humor to Open, Not Avoid

I don’t use jokes to dodge feelings—I use them to unlock them. If Marsh is angry, I might playfully challenge him to a “who-can-fold-laundry-faster” duel. If Graham’s upset, we draw comic strips about the day’s “villain.” And sometimes we just make fart noises until someone cracks. (It’s usually me.)

4. I Apologize with Jokes Too

When I mess up—as all parents do—I say sorry. And sometimes I pair it with something ridiculous, like a note taped to a banana (“I acted bananas—please forgive me.”). They remember that more than a speech. They feel seen. And we move on, lighter.

5. I Laugh With, Not At

This one matters. We never use humor to mock or belittle. That’s not trust—that’s a cheap laugh. Our jokes build belonging. Everyone’s in on it, no one’s the punchline (except maybe me—and I’m good with that).

Why It Works

Because laughter is a trust bridge.
And in this house, we cross it daily—over messy floors, spilled juice, unfinished homework, and unforgettable moments.
When my kids laugh with me, they remember I’m not just “the rules guy.” I’m their teammate. Their safe space. The guy who’ll always try, even if he fails hilariously along the way.Want to build trust with your kids? Start with a joke. Then stay for the conversation.
Bonus points if it ends in a dance-off.